When In Cougar Country: A nwBro Guide

Have you ever had a good day of shred and thought to yourself, “a brewski would really cap this day off nicely”  You then proceed to your local ski area bar, sit down and order a beer.  As you take a sip musky perfume fills your nostrils.  Curious, you turn to investigate the source.  Just as you feared…a cougar.

Like all cougars this one is hunting.  And you my friend, are the hunted.

Here’s what you can do to avoid becoming easy prey.

• Be still.  Movement will attract attention.  If you’re flailing around, describing your recent double cork attempt, or some other movement intensive action you’ll surely be noticed and approached.  Strike one bro.
• Do not make eye contact.  Eye contact is a sure fire way to get pounced on.  Making eye contact is like saying, “Can i buy you a Jager bomb?”, or “I drive a Camaro“.  Pretty much worst case scenario.
• Do not for any reason dance.  This is the most vulnerable situation possible in Cougar country.  Dance moves can trigger aggressive attacks.  Resist shaking it when that rad Lady Gaga remix drops.  If attacked, this essentially “seals the deal”.  You will be going home with this beast.
• Do not be young.  If you just turned 21 and are new to the ski area bar scene you’re in serious trouble.  The Cougar can smell your inexperience from the top of the hill as you’re strapping in.  She she knows you’re heading to the bar and there’s a good chance she’ll have a shot waiting for you.  You never had a chance…
• Resist invites back to the “den”.  If you do encounter a cougar with a sweet ski in/out house going back to the den very well could be the last thing you do.

Here’s a few pics of typical cougars that you may encounter in the wild.  Be careful out there bro.