There’s nothing lamer than paddling out to your favorite break that you don’t live near and having to listen to some soft-drink local jerk-face bark at you for who-the-fuck knows what. Rather than get into it with locals here are a few techniques that could be effective in deterring them from barking at you or at least make them think twice about ever stepping to you again. Lets take a look:
1. The Oil Slick
You paddle out one fine morning and go sit right on the peak. You then see some local heading your way. They’re most likely going to give you a lesson in etiquette. Fuck that. You don’t need to be taught a lesson today. Hit em with a preemptive strike! Give em the Oil Slick before they even get close. Example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOJMV6i3bjM
2. Growl
You didn’t notice that loc paddling your way after b-lined it to the peak. Then you hear yapping. “Hey, you. Fuck-O….etc” Don’t even respond with English. Just start growling at em as loud as you can. This technique will do one of two things. Confuse or scare the local. Sustain the growl as long as you can. Example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdnwLX5m3G8
3. Kaw
Maybe you’re still locked into that pre-pubescent, zit popping, awkward stage in life. Your voice can’t quite carry a legit growl yet. No sweat. Try the Kaw. Similar to the Growl but higher pitched–this can confuse or scare the local but will probably end up making them laugh thereby distracting them from the approaching set. Example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arZtrp__sTQ
4. Spray
You decide to paddle through the inside, right where the peak unloads. You make the lineup and next thing you know some loc is all up in your grill. You ain’t having it. Not today. Try to time the following example when the locals mouth is open. Aim well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrNljsFWQOs
5. Yapping
Maybe you have a loc that won’t shut up. You’ve caught a few waves, paddled back out and they’re still going at it. Jesus, please shut up. The only way to retaliate against an incessant yapper is with incessant yapping. Fight fire with fire. But you’d be better off reciting Bible verses. This is the only one i know: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmvnXKRfdb8
6. Stare
Not down with Bible verses? Just the thought of religious rants make your wax melt? Then you’re probably going to hell but I don’t blame you. Instead try staring really hard. No, i mean REALLY hard. As hard as you can. Flex like your trying to squeeze out a stingy deuce. If you do it right, you’re almost guaranteed to get the loc to paddle away. Here’s an example of a proper stare: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo_GGWplF28
7. The Right Way
Not always the easiest or quickest method. But you could always put in your time, learn how to surf, be patient, respectful and be nice. 9 times out of 10 this technique will eliminate any hassling while surfing. If not, see above. For more information on “The Right Way” watch North Shore
Good Luck out there!
wow.. lots of good poopin themselves utube video’s out there.. huh nice work broweather
back off war child,,,,,seriously.
very informative… time well spent i say good sir.
Soft drink local, hahaha!!! I prefer Coca-Cola anyway.
why in the f do they call that guy pepsi anyways
his dad was the pepsi distributor so he showed at the beach in a pepsi truck
hence the me